The voice inside my head

Perspective by definition is: 1. a way of regarding situations, facts, etc, and judging their relative importance 2. the proper or accurate point of view or the ability to see it; objectivity: try to get some perspective on your troubles 3. the theory or art of suggesting three dimensions on a two-dimensional surface, in order to recreate the appearance and spatial relationships that objects or a scene in recession present to the eye


For the past few months I have struggled with my perspective, which has been challenged by the voice inside my head. The voice has been loud and negative, a tug of war between self-depracating words and the few positive affirmations I have tried to continue to repeat on a daily basis. The struggles are relative and quite normal for the state of the econonmy and the typical end of the year hesistation clients and members possess when it comes to spending $600+ for personal training, as well as trying my best to not let all of that affect my relationship.

 I train and instruct for a living, motivating clients to push through their self-imposed boundaries; and yet now I have found myself deeply immersed inside of my head only speaking words of malevolence and hostility towards myself and others who have gotten the best of me. What has become of me, I thought? Why can I not snap out of this?

Yesterday I walked into Boulder Crossfit on a mission to not only get my butt kicked but to change the voice in my head. I entered the building determined to push myself pass all self-imposed baracades and discover what I truly can do with my body. I then chuckled when I looked at the board and saw a workout that at first looks easy.....reality check 101. 10 Ring rows, 10 stick jumps, 10 med ball slams - 10 rounds. I started the workout still on a mission; however 3 rounds in the voice was the loudest it's ever been. "I'm out of shape. Why is she beating me? This sucks."

As I sat on the ground below the rings I looked up to the ceiling, my heart was practically exploding out of my chest. It was then I was hit over the head with the best perspecitive change: I was grateful that my heart was beating, reminding me that I am alive and fit and healthy. Though struggling with not knowing what is in stored for me with the next step in my career, as well as realizing the voice has been affecting my actual presence in my relationship, I suddenly was overcome with a fire I hadn't felt in a long time in the area of fitness. I finished the workout in 20:08; it only took twenty minutes to silence the voice and allow the strength of my body to influence my mind.

Today I walked by a beautiful christmas tree in our building and realized that the ornaments on the tree were wishes for little kids and seniors. I looked at the wishes and they were simple and sweet: Barbies, slippers, toys. I thought to myself that eventhough work has been so slow lately and I have been struggling to keep a positive attitude I figured that maybe granting a wish would help keep this all into perspective. So I took 2 little girl's wishes: Barbie Castle doll and a Lalaloopsy Doll. Just knowing I will grant their wish made me feel more full inside, at peace with the struggles, and so very grateful that I have a partner in life who supports and loves me immensely.

We are in control of our thoughts. We determine how we react to the obstacles that present themselves in our lives. We are the only ones who can be in charge of the fullness of a glass. Today I will take a huge gulp out of life.