Commitment

You have two choices. You can give in to the pressure, to the sadness, to the disgust, to the overwhelming feeling of self-failure. Or you can declare WAR, and then get truly angry, and then MAKE A COMMITMENT!

What is your commitment today?

Sit down and really think about it! Not in front of the computer, nor the television, nor with company. Sit by yourself, alone, and ask yourself what do you commit to.

My mother and father taught me that we have two things in life that define us. Character and integrity! Through your character and integrity you will be remembered. So, are you a fighter? Are you strong? Do you remain calm under pressure? Do you feel sorry for yourself? Are you honest? Do you admit when you are wrong? Do you take responsibility for your actions? Do you refuse to be a victim? Or are you the one to blame everyone else except yourself?

There is no such thing as perfection, so therefore the answer to the above questions will be yes and no! And that is the beauty of humility!!!!!!!!! The objective in life is to be less imperfect and less hypocritical. Each day, be better than the day before!

It is not easy at all! I would never mislead you and tell you that it is! However, every day when I get out of bed I make a choice.

I chose to move forward in life. And that is the most fundamental piece of advice I have gained throughout my personal struggles. "Without struggle, there can be no progress!" Without a fight, there can be no victory! So chose to rise above and fight!

Accept the place that you are at now! Don't just say the words. My mother and father use to tell me that all of the time. Truly accept the place that you are at now!

This is when it is important to sit in silence and take inventory of who you are, where you are, and what you chose to do about it! This is the time that you get mad, and sad, that you cry, you can scream as well, and you also can shake your head and wonder why you were oblivious to the progress of this situation. This is the time that you go over and over in your head about why you completely "hate" where you are now and how you feel. Hate is the strongest word we can use. It's beyond disgust and frustration and sickness. "It's an ego state that wishes to destroy the source of it's unhappiness!" So destroy it utterly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Make a choice! Personally, this is the easiest part. It's the actions that follow that present the struggle. It's the follow through. It's taking responsibility for your own life and the choices you have made thus far! Behavior and Action!

You can remain in a constant state of should haves, would haves, and could haves. You can choose to stay still and regress. You can get up every morning with fear and sadness and struggle. I would not judge you if these are your choices. I do not walk in your shoes.

However, I see more than that in you! Since I was a small girl, I knew that I could see and feel everything. I knew that this would be my gift and could be my curse.

In you I see a strength that you haven't discovered! I will admit I have been here before! When struggling with the twitch in my shoulder, I would wake up every morning and pray for God to take it away, for no one to notice, for people to not make fun of me anymore. I cried every day in the shower! Every day! And I cried at work. I cried at school. I cried in mom's bathroom when she noticed it! There were times I felt just like you! I wanted to quit. I was too tired to move forward. It felt like there were no more answers to all of the thoughts in my head. My father said that with work and effort I could find relief from this twitch that hurt me from the inside out. I did not believe him! I admit it! I would curse his words. With love of course, but with anger as well!

The struggle felt too big! The struggle invaded my veins, my blood, my bones, and my muscles. It kept me up at night. It kept me inside of my house, alone. It kept me in one place, constantly moving backwards, in a small box with only walls I did not know how to climb. At my most weakest of moments, when a customer at the restaurant acted out of impulse and rudeness, I completely gave in.

I gave in to the words of a person who did not know better. I gave in to the feeling of helplessness that stopped me from actually living the life I had dreamed of. I ran away from the table, I cried, I made a scene in the back of the house. I was comforted yes by my fellow co-workers, however, I was embarrassed and numb.

How can you remain positive when you feel broken? How can you move forward when you do not have your legs anymore? How can you rise above the struggle when you are tired of fighting?

This is my answer:

I had a choice. At my most weakest of moments I sat in my apartment, alone, uncontrollably crying, listening to the same song over and over again, heavily intoxicated. I was so mad at the world for "cursing" me with this thing, this twitch, that I did not know how to explain, and yet it brought me so much pain and aggravation and thoughts of completely giving in to the struggle. I wanted to not exist anymore! There it is! My weakest moment!

This feeling lasted for several weeks. I was completely sleep walking in life. I did my job, I went to school, and I sat in my apartment lost and miserable. I sat alone for many hours. In silence. I did nothing but think. I lied down on the floor for hours, thinking, going over the thoughts that left me without hope.

And then one day I remember watching Oprah and the show was about the New Age Phenomena called The Secret. It was definitely New Age. However, in that one moment I just connected with the thought of "your thoughts create your outcomes." I sat up for the first time in a while and listened for the entire show to people talking about the Law of Attraction. At times I didn't believe it and I was saying to myself that this is the next gimmick.

But in my heart I knew that this was not a new concept. Your thoughts create action. Your actions create momentum. And your momentum create results.

I am not sure what it was exactly that snapped me out of feeling completely sorry for myself, but it was that moment that I made a commitment.

I wrote it down. I still have it today. "I will not be a victim of the twitch anymore." Simple. But monumental!

I sort therapy. I did research. I prayed. I spoke with my father. I faced head on the customers who made fun of me. I asked questions.

But the most important thing that changed my life was that I made a commitment to myself to take action against the thing that I was letting take my life completely away.

So my friends, I urge you to take action. To make a commitment. To sit by yourself and ask the questions that you fear the most. I urge you to get inside of yourself and dig deep. Find the struggle. Face the struggle. And fight against the struggle!

It's not easy, and there are days that I twitch. It's not something that just goes away. It's inside of me and it will always be. But what is different is that I have committed to being stronger than it. To taking responsibility! To taking action!

"Without struggle, there is no progress!" And without truth there is no self.

Be truthful and honest with yourself and make a commitment! Chose to live your life the way you envision it, the way you dreamed about it when you were a small girl!

Make a choice today......................................